The Journey Begins: Why I'm Finally Embracing YouTube (Even Though I Hated It)

I have a feeling something truly wonderful and powerful is unfolding. Perhaps it's just an internal shift, a personal revelation, or maybe, just maybe, I'm onto something bigger.

Earlier this year, a wonderfully creative woman challenged me. With all my ambition and creative drive, she asked, "Why aren't you creating videos for YouTube?" YouTube?! My nose instinctively wrinkled. I recoiled, resistance rising. Words like "algorithms" and "social media" seemed to mock me. I started to vent, recounting my past struggles with Facebook and Twitter, but she wasn't having any of it.

Not only did I have a long list of past failures I wanted to air, but her refusal to let me fully express my disappointment, anger, and the fears underpinning it all was incredibly frustrating. The conversation snagged in my mind like an undigestible bit of gristle, stuck halfway down. I could swallow, but I felt it there, unmoving. What was this part of me so resistant to exploring visual storytelling?

For one thing, I had tried creating videos before. I’d set up backdrops, written scripts, arranged plants and cheap studio lights, then uncomfortably memorized sentences to spit out. The result was wooden, unwatchable, almost sickening to me.

But then, I encountered Internal Family Systems (IFS), a new way of thinking. I began to ask myself new questions: What was this "part" of me that so desperately wanted to whine and complain about why YouTube "just wasn't for me"?

While I'm still learning the intricacies of my own "parts work," an acknowledgment and an internal dialogue began. It wasn't a dream sequence or a film scene, but a genuine conversation within. Other parts chimed in. Yes, there were fears, but fear, I realized, isn't the whole story.

A curious, playful part of me piped up, "Well..." with a big grin, "You know what... this could be a lot of fun, a great big adventure, and certainly a creative way of expressing yourself!"

My internal committee rallied, reminding me of past successes: I'd taught myself to write songs, play guitar and piano, and even launched a podcast. All these endeavors brought me immense joy, despite the initial fear and doubt. Why not focus on the creativity and fun of launching a YouTube channel instead of fixating on the fears?

Why not approach those "miserable first few videos" with curiosity? What exactly did I hate about them? The wooden delivery of a memorized script? Not understanding lighting or how to make a background interesting?

I discovered parallels. When I write a song today, I simply follow an impulse. I start with whatever element intrigues me – lyrics, music, a melody. I know how to get that impulse out, to begin shaping and crafting it into something captivating. Why wouldn't I do the same thing with videos for YouTube?

That woman challenged me back in January, and here we are in June. I've launched a YouTube Channel!

You can find it here: https://www.youtube.com/@engagecreativity